I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
