I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
