So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
