"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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