i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
