guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
