ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
