I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
