Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize