she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
