Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
