she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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