dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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