I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
