they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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