haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
