Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
