i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
