So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
