A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
