There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
