I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
