and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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