It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
