I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
