have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
