Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
