At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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