I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
