Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
