those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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