We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
