How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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