So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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