Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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