Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
