I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
