just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
