Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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