So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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