How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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