So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
