i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
