Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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