One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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