I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
