I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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