she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
