i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
