When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize