you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
