My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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