did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
