Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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