And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
