so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
