you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
