Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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