Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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