woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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