Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
