I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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