i think my mom watched the whole time
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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