Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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