I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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