ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
