Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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