Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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