he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
