My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
