he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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