so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
