....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
