If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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