i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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