he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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