u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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